Sex Lives: A Guy Who Draws the Line at Married Men

I started as a top just because I was afraid of butt stuff and I was like, Oh, well that’ll make me seem gay and then I realized, Wait a second. No, that’s dumb. I spent probably the first two years of having sex mostly topping and then when I moved into my first apartment in college I had room to explore. I started playing with my butt and then realized, Oh this is great. And then I went versatile for a while and now I’ve been mostly a bottom for about eight years. Now I’d say I’m about 90% bottom, 10% top. 

One thing I’ve wanted to do for a long time— and the whole reason I haven’t is just because of disease risk— is be a part of a gang bang. I want to be a bottom for like five or six guys. I’ve had threesomes where I’ve been the bottom for two guys and I’m like, Ohhh this is fun. I’ve set up threeways and fourways pretty easily through Grindr before, so it’s not something that I feel would be absolutely impossible. It’s more that I need to make sure I trust everyone. I just found out a couple weeks ago that I have syphilis. It’s the first time I’ve ever caught an STD after 11 years of having sex. I understand and there’s no shame or anything like that, but I caught it because the person I was with was like, “Oh no, I’m not having sex without a condom with anyone else. At any of the other hotels I’m going to.” He was a traveling business guy. And I was like, “Yeah, I believe you!” And that was dumb. I never realized; I had no symptoms. I just went for my regular three month check up because I’m on PrEP and they caught it. It wasn’t that big of a deal. I’m on the medication; it’ll be done in nine days. I haven’t had sex in about two months and I’m not going to have sex until it’s cleared up, but I don’t think it will change much. I mean, I use a condom most of the time anyway, just every once in a while I don’t—like if I’m having sex with someone recurrently and we have an exclusive friends with benefits thing. But I think I’m even gonna cut that off for a bit just because you never know. 

I think the majority of the sex I’ve had has been in hotels, just because I have such a thing for older guys, but also businessmen. One thing I’m very scrupulous about though is making sure they’re not married; that’s one thing I have to fight to avoid. I once walked out of a hookup because a married guy told me he wasn’t married, so I went to his hotel and we’re having sex and he stopped because he gets a call from his wife. I’m sitting here, legs crossed, just staring at him the whole time. The second he hangs up, he tries to be like, “Okay, so we’re gonna get back to it, right?” And I said, “Excuse me? You told me you weren’t married. I’m here because you told me you weren’t.” It took all my self control not to say something while he was on the phone. 

I’m fine if people are in open relationships where they’re honest about it. I’ve slept with many married gay men who are in open relationships and I’ve met their partners, but I hate when married supposedly-straight men are on these apps pretending they aren’t married. If they say they’re married to a woman and we’re open, I always take that with a grain of salt. I’m like, “You got any proof there?” I have had sex with a man where I met his wife and she was totally cool with it, as long as we used condoms. That was her one rule. It was incredibly strange meeting someone’s wife and then going up to their spare bedroom to have sex. She was home; that’s how he proved that she was ok with it. She was just sitting in the living room watching TV.